There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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