so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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