doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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