It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
