then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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