Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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