If i come over, it means nothing
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I take back everything I said about communal showers
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
