There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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