I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
