My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
