the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
