Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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