Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
