I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
