he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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