i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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