dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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