Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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