Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
I'm just looking out for you.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
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