u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
