That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
