Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
where am i from again
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
