I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
