Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
