now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
