Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
