All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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