I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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