Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
