You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
