he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
