I'm drive I can fine osifer
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Drunk is a universal language darling
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
