"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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