I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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