Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
