I'm so fucking centered right now
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
