Porn is love you can see.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
