dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just cropdusted the office
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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