I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so let's talk penis.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The air was thick with penises
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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