dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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