I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize