he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
