you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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