Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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