She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
