Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
