Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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