Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
