i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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