so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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