I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
