The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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