Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
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