Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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