my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
