I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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