whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
