She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
