It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize