i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
