i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
