somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
