The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
