Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
