some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
