took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
