I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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