i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
