fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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