i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
