i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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