so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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