I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
