It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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