I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
