i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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