Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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