cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
