In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
