I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
