are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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