lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
