i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
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she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
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Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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