Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
