GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
