Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
