Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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