all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
