I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
