people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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