the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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