did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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